fuck!!!!!!!!

I dunno why but I really am annoyed. maybe i'm selfish. I dont know. but why does it always heve to be me adjusting to his time? why do I have to get up really early so that we can talk? WHY?!

maybe its my weakness. maybe its because I fall for efeminate guys (I dont think I spelled that correctly but WHO CARES?!).

I want a guy who can take care of me, who can tell people: "I'll talk to you later, I still have my girl with me" or "I have to spend time with my baby first before I do anything else".

hahaha! yeah right. as if that would happen.

im just pissed off!!!!!!!




why why why why why?!?!?!?! why does it have to be me?!











in the end, i would be the one to take care of myself. noone would take care of me..

insecurity

why the hell am i feeling this way? I can't take this anymore. this insecurity is killing me. huhuhuhu! T_T i just hope my boyfriend would just reassure me that everything is okay. huhuhu!


HELP!!!!!! remove this feeling away from me!

another day

another day again. i seem to be getting older and older each day but I don't seem to have any direction.

Is it possible for me to have a stable job and I would earn a lot at the same time? I thought with my knowledge I can do that. apparently I can't. damn.

I do hope I can do something. Like invest my money toward more productive stuff.


maybe I'll just marry someone who's rich so that I wouldn't have to worry about that. yeah. maybe I should do that. who cares about love? haha! yeah right! as if I would do that.


I guess I'll just be single. forever. that would also be okay. hmmm. it got me thinking. I dunno. my mind is a jumble of ideas, my heart is a jungle of heartaches.

im confused. im happy and sad at the same time. I wish Im really beautiful so that I can have a pick in a sea of guys.

its all wishful thinking. haha.

am I such a loser?


ugh! I need a boost in serotonin levels

something funny

something funny happened.... what if, someone courting you just made an offer? whatif he says he's going to buy you a 60gig ipod just be his girl?

he's cute, smart, sexy, stable... the list goes on and on...

lets just put it this way. I turned him down because I dont love him. I turned him down because I love my baby.


but I was single, maybe I would have said yes. well, he is a good catch. :D


I just feel giddy inside. it makes me feel good at least some guy wants me. and that guy is good.