I do?

If I were to live with somebody for the rest of my life, I do not want it to be somebody with whom I could not live with security. I do not want a man who'd make me feel so insecure that I would not have peace of mind, always thinking that he's having an affair. I do not want to come into a situation when I had to take my husband's atm allowance from him for I do not know where he spends it and it was just gone. I do not want to be checking on my husband's bank account nor his payslips and monitor everything he does just to make sure that he's not cheating on me. I do not want to cry all days of my life thinking that no one understands me. I do not want to live a life being cheated. I do not want to nag my husband everyday of his life. I do not want to look for more in him that he could not give me. I'd rather live alone than wish I have not married in the first place.

I do not want to grow old when my own family doubts me, as if I have no right to live a life of my own. I do not want to have a family limiting my expenditures. I do not want my children to think of me as if I have not been a good mom to them. I do not want to be left behind as my family grows in prosperity. I do not want to be away from my family and doubt my doings while I'm far away. I do not want to grow old feeling that I have not accomplished anything. I do not want my kids to be torn apart because my husband says I'm cheating on him. I do not want to die without my kids knowing that I did my best for them. I'd rather not marry than die without dignity.

When I say "I do", I do want to live with peace and satisfaction. I do want to live without doubts. I do want my man to know that I'm not just his wife, but a perfect wife, and my kids to know that I'm the best mom in the world. I do want my kids to say that when they grow up, they'd want to be like their mom or dad. I do want to grow old with my love and reminisce how fun life was with him and our kids. I do want to grow old with contentment, knowing that I did my best and that I have achieved my dreams. I do want to die with my love fulfilled and a legend with good thoughts.

>>> I do... It's no longer hard for me to say... "Yes, I do!" ;-D <<<

SELFISH?

okay, okay. who's selfish again? is it me? who likes to take up nursing? is it me? up to now i still feel like i am in a dream. I go to class but my heart is not into it. i keep on trying to convince myself that i'll BE a NURSE. but it still doesnt want to reach my heart.

fine. I finally agreed to my mother's wish. she wants me to be a nurse. fine. to make YOU happy i'll be a nurse. but on one condition: I'd be a BSN. a bachelor of Science in nursing. yes. I dont want to be an RN only. I want to be a BSN-RN graduate. jeez. please leave me some pride. I dont even have pride left inside me anymore. i dont know if its even pride. my dream of becoming a doctor is becoming dimmer by the minute. the dream that has been my source of energy to study hard and to aim for up is now being extinguished fast.

no, its not by me, its by my mother. yeah. can you believe it? I wish I was more intelligent so that I dont have to go to all this agony. fuck life.

honestly, I dont get it, why is it that my mother doesnt understand me? why is it that I should alwyas be the one understanding her? sometimes I feel like I am already burned out. I am just so tired.

I know that they try to do what they think is best for you, but sometimes, they just destroy my character.

I am so freaking tired. period. they say one thing and yet they do another.

I dont want an online degree!!!damnit!

I want a structured classroom with oldfashioned learning techniques.

what is the main purpose of me studying nursing?

so that I can earn. FAST. that is the freaking main reason why. this is the same reason why i am not going to study medicine. this is the same reason why i am not studying pharmacy.

so why should I go study RN for 2 years then study another 2 yrs for my BSN? that is 4 freakin years?! sana nag aral na rin ako ng medicine diba? why? why? why?

I told my mom, mommy, If I wouldnt get acepeted in the advance BS, i will study in the philippines advanced BS. she agreed. now somebody tells her there is this online things and now she wants me to take that. what the fuck is this? I dont know what to do. I am so messed up.