UP nga ba ako??
After 5 agonizing years of college, i finally graduated from UP College of Pharmacy. right now, sitting in front of my PC, i have mixed feelings. I feel... nothing. yup. nothing. i don't feel proud of myself because instead of finishing it in four years, i finished it in five, and instead of getting good grades all through out, i got a couple of threes and fives tucked under my belt. i feel a little sadness because i can not even feel proud of myself. on the upside i feel relief because it is done.
Looking back at the things that happened to me, i can tell you this: i've been through a lot. those 5 years in college are really blood sweat and tears. literally.
Let me take you back to what happened to me in a nutshell:
before college, i was studying in one of the most prestigious, exclusive girl's school in the Philippines. just saying the name of my school would make you think: "whoa, this girl is rich". or "you must be really brainy to get into that school". well, I used to think to think of myself as the latter. in High school, i was one of the people who are in the "brainy catogory". I admit i am not the most intelligent in our class but my grades were good, and whenever the highest scoring people are called in the class to get their papers, i was one of those people. i am one of the people who other people copies from because they know i have high grades. aside from this, i have a lot of extra curricular activities (from swimming, to martial arts... even teaching it while in HS). and every Vacation i would go to the US to relax and visit my mother. Yep, that is what you called life.
then came third year college when you start thinking about colleges and professions and stuff like that. i was stubborn. I wanted to become a doctor ever since i was still in elementary. In my mind, the only way to become a doctorwas to study in UP and be the best doctor in the world.
My campaign for UP started. it was one of my dreams when i was little, i would study both Law and Medicine in UP and be the best in the world. it got a little lost throughout the years but it came back with a bang. Fourth year came. i took the test for three universities: UP, ateneo, and UST. i took three but my heart is set on UP. My motto then was UP or DIE. it funny now that you look at it, but at that time i was dead serious.
I got accepted in all three universities. my parents were proud but still a little hesistant. Both of them supported me in all aspects and i love them for that, though they were a little hesitant it making me take up medicine because of the economic status of the Philippines. Me, thinking that i would adjust to anything thrown in my path remained stubborn. I will become a doctor. my mother was against the idea of me studying in UP because she wants me to study in the US, but my mom, knowing that in my heart, UP is pumping in my veins, supported me.
I can still remember the ecstasy of getting accepted in all the schools that i applied for. imagine, i seem to have it all. i was on top of the world. they would describe me as someone who is attractive (i had my share of guys), smart, and sporty. I had an identity. I was confident.
Then came first year of College. I chose pharmacy because of several factors: my father wanted it, i loved chemistry, and we thought it was a good premed course. I started to change. the girl who used to be on top of the world is becoming a mediocre person. UP is a place where all the intelligent people are (just imagine, 60,000 students a years take the upcat exam and only 2,000 students are accepted. I was one of the 2,000 students).
The first two years was still good. i was still teaching, i was making a name for myself in the martial arts world, at the same time i was getting excempted in my subjects. i felt that i could do no wrong. My motto then was "as long as you work hard, everything will pay off."
Third year came were everything went wrong. it was the hardest year in the college of Pharmacy. this is where they combined all the subjects that make you sleep at 3 and wake up at 5 just to finish everything. i flunked my first subject. i can never forget that incident. i was in the US taking a short vacation when a friend called me up saying that i had to take the removal exams in phch 36 and 27. i was only expecting phch27 but then it really had hit me hard in the chest. before i left for the US, i had already asked my teachers if i can take the removals after i get back since i also had to fix my papers in the US. all of them agreed. then Mr. Anotonio Regadio, my prof in 36 suddenly told me that he would not give me special treatment, that if i don't get back after 3 days ( the day of the exam), i would be delayed for the year. i can still remember the hatred i felt for him. and so i went home. to make the long story short, i flunked the removals in 27 but i passed 36.
that same semester i was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism. for those people who doesn't know whay hypothyroidism is, it is the lack of thyroid hormones in the body. the manifestations of this sickness are drowsiness, slowness of movement, you have a hard time remembering things, always sleepy, and of course, increase in weight.
Yup, the lucky girl is now the unlucky girl. i was sick, i was fat, and i was having a hard time remembering whatever i was studying. i had to stop martial arts because i need to give more time to studying because i was having a hard time remembering things. i started to lose my identity.
I was stupid because i can't remember anything anymore. I'm fat because i can't exercise. yup. i was lost. to top it off, that same semester i was wrongly accused and reprimanded by Sir Ong in PhCh36 because of Sir Regadio's doing. i just have to tell this incident to you because it was very significant for me. we were doing a chromatography experiment then. it was already lunch time. we were tired and hungry ( try having 3 lab period straight: 7-10, 10-1, then 1-4pm) while the paper was developing, we asked permission from sir Regadio if we could go down to grab a bite since we were so tired. he agreed. My groupmates and I went down to grab a bite. i was the first one finished so i was the one who went up first. the next class was already starting so i tried to sneak in the back to get out chomatogram when suddenly sir Ong Marched up to me and asked me if i was the one using the Chromatogram. i answered yes.
He suddenly flared up at me telling me: " ang TANGA mo naman! iniiwan mo ang chromatogram na walang bantay!". i was shocked. Who would have thought that it would turn out that way. i thought that was the only thing he was going to say, but there was more:
" ang bobo bobo mo! hindi manlang ikaw nagpaalam na bababa kayo tpos walang nagbabantay nyan."
i started looking for sir Regadio but he wasn't there to help me out. sir Ong told me to get my Other groupmates. I called them up immediately so we all went up and sir ong shouted in a VERY, VERY loud voice in front of his class (fourth years students)
" Ang Gago nyo talaga! magkakagrupo nga kayo tapos iniwan nyo lang yung experiment nyo dito! mga LECHE!".
my classmate then answered, sir, "nagpaalam po kami kay Sir Regadio tpos pumayag po sya na bumaba po kami para kumain."
Sir Ong then answered: aba mga Puta kayo! Uutusan nyo pa ang mga Teacher nyo magbantay ng experiment nyo! kapal ng mukha nyo talaga ang tatanga ninyo!" he then continued to bash each of us individually until we were crying. the whole floor heard the whole thing. i was running away. the whole time, Regadio was hiding in one of the Classrooms, just listening to whatever was happening to us but never helping us. this was the time i realized that a lot of people are ASSholes.
everything went down. i lost the drive because a teacher not even protecting you was such a low blow. and the cursing! i can still feel the hurt and bewilderment i felt then. Imagine having a low self esteem, coupled with hypothyroidism, it's a recipe for disaster.
Every downfall was there. i was struggling with everything suddenly. i was crying everyday because even with all the effort i was putting, i was having a hard time passing. add the family problems and i was a walking zombie. i really hated everything about me. my dreams are destroyed. i can never study in UP college of med because I failed in a couple of subjects.
I still don't know how i was able to finish Pharmacy. during those times my relationship with my father was also strained. I'm glad my mom was still with me though. those periods change me a lot. i became an introvert. i was afraid to show myself to other people because i really thought of myself a stupid.
Well, i graduated. but after all the blood, sweat, and tears, i still fill nothing. It was my dream to enter UP, but i also realized that some peopl inside UP also destroyed my dream.
Looking back at the things that happened to me, i can tell you this: i've been through a lot. those 5 years in college are really blood sweat and tears. literally.
Let me take you back to what happened to me in a nutshell:
before college, i was studying in one of the most prestigious, exclusive girl's school in the Philippines. just saying the name of my school would make you think: "whoa, this girl is rich". or "you must be really brainy to get into that school". well, I used to think to think of myself as the latter. in High school, i was one of the people who are in the "brainy catogory". I admit i am not the most intelligent in our class but my grades were good, and whenever the highest scoring people are called in the class to get their papers, i was one of those people. i am one of the people who other people copies from because they know i have high grades. aside from this, i have a lot of extra curricular activities (from swimming, to martial arts... even teaching it while in HS). and every Vacation i would go to the US to relax and visit my mother. Yep, that is what you called life.
then came third year college when you start thinking about colleges and professions and stuff like that. i was stubborn. I wanted to become a doctor ever since i was still in elementary. In my mind, the only way to become a doctorwas to study in UP and be the best doctor in the world.
My campaign for UP started. it was one of my dreams when i was little, i would study both Law and Medicine in UP and be the best in the world. it got a little lost throughout the years but it came back with a bang. Fourth year came. i took the test for three universities: UP, ateneo, and UST. i took three but my heart is set on UP. My motto then was UP or DIE. it funny now that you look at it, but at that time i was dead serious.
I got accepted in all three universities. my parents were proud but still a little hesistant. Both of them supported me in all aspects and i love them for that, though they were a little hesitant it making me take up medicine because of the economic status of the Philippines. Me, thinking that i would adjust to anything thrown in my path remained stubborn. I will become a doctor. my mother was against the idea of me studying in UP because she wants me to study in the US, but my mom, knowing that in my heart, UP is pumping in my veins, supported me.
I can still remember the ecstasy of getting accepted in all the schools that i applied for. imagine, i seem to have it all. i was on top of the world. they would describe me as someone who is attractive (i had my share of guys), smart, and sporty. I had an identity. I was confident.
Then came first year of College. I chose pharmacy because of several factors: my father wanted it, i loved chemistry, and we thought it was a good premed course. I started to change. the girl who used to be on top of the world is becoming a mediocre person. UP is a place where all the intelligent people are (just imagine, 60,000 students a years take the upcat exam and only 2,000 students are accepted. I was one of the 2,000 students).
The first two years was still good. i was still teaching, i was making a name for myself in the martial arts world, at the same time i was getting excempted in my subjects. i felt that i could do no wrong. My motto then was "as long as you work hard, everything will pay off."
Third year came were everything went wrong. it was the hardest year in the college of Pharmacy. this is where they combined all the subjects that make you sleep at 3 and wake up at 5 just to finish everything. i flunked my first subject. i can never forget that incident. i was in the US taking a short vacation when a friend called me up saying that i had to take the removal exams in phch 36 and 27. i was only expecting phch27 but then it really had hit me hard in the chest. before i left for the US, i had already asked my teachers if i can take the removals after i get back since i also had to fix my papers in the US. all of them agreed. then Mr. Anotonio Regadio, my prof in 36 suddenly told me that he would not give me special treatment, that if i don't get back after 3 days ( the day of the exam), i would be delayed for the year. i can still remember the hatred i felt for him. and so i went home. to make the long story short, i flunked the removals in 27 but i passed 36.
that same semester i was also diagnosed with hypothyroidism. for those people who doesn't know whay hypothyroidism is, it is the lack of thyroid hormones in the body. the manifestations of this sickness are drowsiness, slowness of movement, you have a hard time remembering things, always sleepy, and of course, increase in weight.
Yup, the lucky girl is now the unlucky girl. i was sick, i was fat, and i was having a hard time remembering whatever i was studying. i had to stop martial arts because i need to give more time to studying because i was having a hard time remembering things. i started to lose my identity.
I was stupid because i can't remember anything anymore. I'm fat because i can't exercise. yup. i was lost. to top it off, that same semester i was wrongly accused and reprimanded by Sir Ong in PhCh36 because of Sir Regadio's doing. i just have to tell this incident to you because it was very significant for me. we were doing a chromatography experiment then. it was already lunch time. we were tired and hungry ( try having 3 lab period straight: 7-10, 10-1, then 1-4pm) while the paper was developing, we asked permission from sir Regadio if we could go down to grab a bite since we were so tired. he agreed. My groupmates and I went down to grab a bite. i was the first one finished so i was the one who went up first. the next class was already starting so i tried to sneak in the back to get out chomatogram when suddenly sir Ong Marched up to me and asked me if i was the one using the Chromatogram. i answered yes.
He suddenly flared up at me telling me: " ang TANGA mo naman! iniiwan mo ang chromatogram na walang bantay!". i was shocked. Who would have thought that it would turn out that way. i thought that was the only thing he was going to say, but there was more:
" ang bobo bobo mo! hindi manlang ikaw nagpaalam na bababa kayo tpos walang nagbabantay nyan."
i started looking for sir Regadio but he wasn't there to help me out. sir Ong told me to get my Other groupmates. I called them up immediately so we all went up and sir ong shouted in a VERY, VERY loud voice in front of his class (fourth years students)
" Ang Gago nyo talaga! magkakagrupo nga kayo tapos iniwan nyo lang yung experiment nyo dito! mga LECHE!".
my classmate then answered, sir, "nagpaalam po kami kay Sir Regadio tpos pumayag po sya na bumaba po kami para kumain."
Sir Ong then answered: aba mga Puta kayo! Uutusan nyo pa ang mga Teacher nyo magbantay ng experiment nyo! kapal ng mukha nyo talaga ang tatanga ninyo!" he then continued to bash each of us individually until we were crying. the whole floor heard the whole thing. i was running away. the whole time, Regadio was hiding in one of the Classrooms, just listening to whatever was happening to us but never helping us. this was the time i realized that a lot of people are ASSholes.
everything went down. i lost the drive because a teacher not even protecting you was such a low blow. and the cursing! i can still feel the hurt and bewilderment i felt then. Imagine having a low self esteem, coupled with hypothyroidism, it's a recipe for disaster.
Every downfall was there. i was struggling with everything suddenly. i was crying everyday because even with all the effort i was putting, i was having a hard time passing. add the family problems and i was a walking zombie. i really hated everything about me. my dreams are destroyed. i can never study in UP college of med because I failed in a couple of subjects.
I still don't know how i was able to finish Pharmacy. during those times my relationship with my father was also strained. I'm glad my mom was still with me though. those periods change me a lot. i became an introvert. i was afraid to show myself to other people because i really thought of myself a stupid.
Well, i graduated. but after all the blood, sweat, and tears, i still fill nothing. It was my dream to enter UP, but i also realized that some peopl inside UP also destroyed my dream.
posted by vincristine @ 6:43 PM
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