annoying siege

i dunno why i feel so down and annoyed. but one thing is for sure , i am slowly realizing that i am maturing. i do not seem to be really that interested in ragnarok anymore. maybe i am finally realizing that i have bigger responsibilities to take up. that i have to look at the bigger picture. i mean, i've been playing for over two years now, but it only took one text from my guildmaster telling me that vadvoi ( a member of my guild) is tattling that i was too bossy. jeez. talk about annoying. i mean, one wouldn't get mad if you don't have a valid reason right? i know i don't get mad for no valid reason at all. but hell. people were really acting up a while ago. tell them to go to the 3rd portal but they wouldn't follow. would you give up? then it already means that you are allowing them. my god. that is what i call stupidity. i know i am not the best leader. i lack the presence of being always there in the guild so nobody really knows me. but wtf! they should also have some common sense. jeez! at least i know in my heart i am doing my best. i guess it is not enough. luckily my so called hectic schedule from the review center does not give me any room to play anymore. it leaves no room for the "trivial things" if you would call ragnarok that. i pay 1,200 pesos each month for that stupid game and i don;t even get to play it. now that is what i call really stupid.

i'm going around in circles. lol. its funny how i look at things right now. i see more gray zones as i interact with people. i guess i am changing. maybe there will no longer be any room for ragnarok in my heart and in my mind.